


You're not as alone as you think.

by nativehaole (sweeneybearsam)



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Bromance, Fix It Fic, Gen, implied suicidal thoughts, look i actually wrote not romantic mcdanno, tumblr requests
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-14
Updated: 2017-12-14
Packaged: 2019-02-14 21:49:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13016856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweeneybearsam/pseuds/nativehaole
Summary: A blog on Tumblr brought up that in episode 3x14 (The Scandal) when Rachel tries to take Grace from Danny, and Danny says that if he loses her, he's jumping off a cliff... it doesn't feel like a joke. It's bugged me for a long time, so I offered to write something correcting it. It's been a second, so I know it's not the best, and it's not my normal go-to for when I write them (I don't think I've ever written them platonic before.) But I tried. I hope it's not too shit.





	You're not as alone as you think.

“I’ll tell you something- they take her away from me, I’m jumping off a cliff. _Today._ So.”

“Hey, hey, _hey._ That’s not gonna happen, okay?”

“Okay…”

“Danny.”

“Mhm.”

“It’s not gonna happen. Alright? Alright?”

“Yeah.”

 

He was right. It hadn’t happened, by some miracle, and as they sit there, in his backyard, all he can think about is the haunted look in Danny’s eyes when he’d made what his partner played off as a joke. Only, Steve knows him. Knows the way he bites his lip and arches his eyebrow when he’s joking and the tells for when he’s hiding something- the forced smile, the way his breath catches. Danny wasn’t kidding earlier. Steve’s pretty sure he’s been thinking it for a while, and this was just the first time he’d slipped and said it where Steve could hear, so as Denning leaves, he’s moving closer, motioning to the empty chair and passing Danny another beer, settling in and watching him for a second. He’s not sure how to approach it, so he does something very off script for himself. He offers a piece of himself, to help Danny see that it was okay to not be okay.

 

“Had a buddy back in the Navy. His name was Freddie, he was… my best friend. We met in BUD/S, and we were… pretty much inseparable. The biggest pains in the ass Joe’s ever known, you can ask him that one if you want.”

 

Danny seems lost, nodding and offering playfully, as though the conversation in the courthouse this morning wasn’t real.

 

“I can believe you were. You’re shameless, dragging anyone else into your misdeeds, though.”

 

Steve smiles a bit, because he’s not wrong. He _was_ shameless with Freddie. They were always into something together. He lets it go, continuing.

 

“He died two days before my dad.”

 

Danny grows serious, studying his beer and shaking his head slowly. He looks like he wants to speak, but he lets Steve go on.

 

“We’re taught to be stronger, mentally, than any pain we can face. Pain is temporary, it’s… it’s weakness leaving your body. I believe it, I’ve been trained to… but losing someone you love… as deeply as I loved Freddie, and then right after that… the dust hasn’t even settled yet, and then my dad, too? It’s a lot. It was a lot.”

 

He thinks back to the night he’d planned to end it. Sitting in his childhood bedroom, with his dad’s old service piece, and how the only thing that stopped him swallowing that bullet was needing to make someone pay for what happened. How he promised himself that once he’d caught the piece of shit that took his father and his best friend away, he’d rejoin them. He thinks about how as time wore on, he found reasons to fight the pain and keep on- and how Danny was one of them, unknowingly.

 

“The night before I recruited you… I couldn’t take that feeling anymore. I couldn’t take the overwhelming feeling of loss, the realization that in three days time... I’d lost my father, and I’d lost my best friend. I couldn’t take the feeling that it was my fault. If I’d… if I’d been more alert, if I’d been quicker…”

 

He stops, face still stoic as ever as he sips his own beer, watching Danny and the way what he’s confessing, watches the gears turn and the way his eyes darken as he nods, sniffling slightly as he pulls from his own, and when Danny opens his mouth, Steve lets what he was going to follow that with die in his throat, sitting forward to show his partner he’s listening. Danny looks at his hands, studying his bottle as he confesses.

 

“When Rachel moved here, with Stan, I um… Ma made me go talk to someone. Because ‘divorce is hard’ and ‘changes are hard’ and I have never been good with change. Less with Grace, you know? She’s… she’s everything. She’s my heartbeat, my pulse, my breath… without my daughter, I don’t…”

 

His words get quiet as he confesses the next part, making Steve reach to grab for his partner’s forearm.

 

“... I’m already dead, without Grace. I gave up my life, I gave up my family, being where I have lived for thirty-six years to keep my connection with my daughter, and I want to tell you this is the first time I’ve felt ready to call it quits, but honestly, the night Rachel left it started and it’s… just gotten worse.”

 

Steve’s eyes are dark and intense as he speaks again, squeezing Danny’s arm and not blinking as he watches him, trying to make sure he’s listening.

 

“You can’t do that. I know you’re not supposed to say that to someone who’s thinking this, but Danny, you _can’t._ What happens to Grace if you die? What happens to our team, to me? How do we explain to Gracie what happened? Pain is real, loss is real, but it’s not a reason to check out. You have one very important reason to hang on, Danno. She needs you. Maybe as much as you need her.”

 

Danny nods, lifting his own hand to rest over the larger one, allowing a rare moment of softness between them. It’s not that it’s hard to be affectionate with this man, because it’s not- Steve is his best friend. It’s just that this is vulnerable, and Danny doesn’t do vulnerable. He knows the other man doesn’t either, that this is an oddity, but he needs it just now. He needs the anchor, the reminder that he’s not alone. He rubs Steve’s hand lightly, Steve pulling away to lean in and embrace him, voice low and tone unreadable as he adds.

 

“You’re not alone here, Danny. Not by a long shot. As long as we’re both breathing, you’re not alone. You’re not going to have to fight alone again. For Grace, or against yourself. Partners, right?”

 

He leans back and kicks his legs out in front of him, crossing his ankles and silently urging Danny to do the same. The blond complies, leaning back and draining his beer, looking at his friend and studying him before he whispers in response.

 

“Partners.”

 

And maybe it won’t stop the dark thoughts. Maybe it won’t make sure he never has this kind of crisis again… but now he’s not going to have to hide it. He won’t have to laugh it off as a bad joke- someone knows him well enough to know it’s a real issue, that he needs someone to remind him that this isn’t the way out. He’s not alone in the dark anymore, because the behemoth beside him won’t let him be. And he’s as grateful for that as he is the ruling that his daughter can’t leave the island.


End file.
